You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
