I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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