my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
