I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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