i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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