Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
