yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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