I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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