I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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