i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize