he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
