first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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