the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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