He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
