I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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