He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
