JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
