there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
