So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Sorry about my life...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
