i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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