it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
