i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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