She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
