i love accidental penises.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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