let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
