is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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