I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think my mom watched the whole time
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize
