those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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