Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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