i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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