We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
