I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
