Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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