i already hear my dad disowning me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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