Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
