I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
