and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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