I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
