she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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