You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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