I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
