i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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