Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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