Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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