GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
