RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
