recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
