from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
tell me about the fingering
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
