Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
