hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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