I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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