well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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