Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
