I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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