My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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