i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize