Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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