I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
