My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
