Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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