i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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