I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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