my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
