Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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